


Insecurities

by SpoonDance



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:38:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3088334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoonDance/pseuds/SpoonDance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Maddie was insecure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities

“Ehm yeah, good to see you. I just gotta go find Sophie real quick.” Maddie left whoever the hell she was talking to to go in search of her girlfriend amongst the crowd. They were at a party of some friend of Sophie's and Maddie was desperately trying to avoid more conversations to bring her girlfriend her drink. She didn't always mind going to parties, enjoyed them quite a bit sometimes, but sometimes she tired out fast. Tonight was one of those nights. She just wanted to quietly hover by Sophie and let her have her fun. And maybe get back to No. 13 before too late.

Weaving through the crowd, being jostled and elbowed at each turn, she was becoming more and more annoyed. She just clenched her jaw and shoved her way through until she came to a cleared area. She took a deep breath and grumbled quietly, turning about on tiptoes to try and find Sophie. Catching a glimpse of her in the kitchen, she worked her way over but paused at the entrance.

Sophie stood between a girl she recognized being at these parties and some guy she didn't. And the guy was standing a little too close, looking a little too smug. A sickening jolt ran up her back when she heard Sophie's full laugh, the one she loved and adored being able to draw out of her, and seeing that wide smile. Directed at him. 

It was a sort of fear that crept in her head. That Sophie would find someone else that would make her happier, be better for her, say all the right things. Even knowing Sophie was gay and the guy had no chance with her, he was still able to make her laugh the way Maddie always tried. And the fact that he was clearly hitting on her girlfriend and said girlfriend was doing nothing about it had her throat closing painfully. What if Sophie wanted attention that Maddie wasn't giving her? What if she was doing something wrong? Had she missed something? What if Sophie was growing tired of Mad Maddie? 

The guy leaned closer and Maddie was about to try and force her way back to Sophie's side(she'd fight to be worth Sophie's affections and she'd be damned if she just gave up because she felt insecure), when something changed in Sophie's face. Realization. A hand was quickly pushing the guy away with a firm gaze and an explanation she hoped included her.

Air was rushing back into her lungs, the fog of ill-thinking clearing, and forced herself forward. Eyes never leaving Sophie as she moved as fast as she could without appearing as stressed as she felt. Sophie noticed her a few steps away, words trailing off and a bright smile(just for her) lifting her features. She reached out and Maddie went to offer her her drink but the other just moved to slip her arm around her waist and pull her close, taking the drink with her other hand. Maddie shook with relief and joy at the touch.

“Just who I was talkin' 'bout. Dean, this is my girlfriend, Maddie.”

And Maddie felt like a fool for ever doubting this wonderful thing she had.

.o.o.o.

“I'll do that, Kevin. You go off to The Rovers.”

Kevin looked to Maddie a little surprised, standing a few steps away and head tilting towards the dishes he had just started on. “No, that's alright, Maddie. I've got it.”

“Com'on, I won't break any, promise. You just take it easy and me and Soph'll watch after Jack.”

Considering her offer a moment, Kevin decided to take her up on it. “Alright, thanks Maddie.” He gave the girl a grateful smile. “I could really use a quiet pint. I won't be too late,” he said as he headed out, calling up to Sophie that he was leaving.

Maddie started in on the dishes, falling into a rhythm and enjoying the warm water; cleaning, rinsing, setting to dry. She didn't hear her girlfriend enter the kitchen a few minutes later, or notice her leant up in the doorway watching her. Too settled into her system to realize until Sophie finally spoke up.

“What you doing?”

Jolting slightly, she glanced over her shoulder but kept washing. “Dishes, what does it look like?”

“I mean why are you?” Maddie could hear the deeper question but chose to ignore it.

She shrugged. “Being useful and all that.”

There was a silence and Sophie stood next to her, all warmth and welcoming; the way she always felt to Maddie when Sophie was asking questions she knew meant more than she let on.

“What?” Maddie finally asked, if Sophie was going to get on with her questions, she'd rather she just started.

“You're trying to make my dad like you.”

It wasn't a question.

Maddie halted. How did Sophie seem to get into her head so easily at times? A beat and then she looked to Sophie, not even trying to hide how right Sophie's words were.

“Maddie-”

“I've not been the greatest guest in either of your parent's homes and I just want to make sure Kevin won't toss me out, that he knows I can like do stuff.” Maddie cut her off in a rush, quickly starting to dry the dishes. “He's given me more opportunities than I probably deserve what with the taking me in and the job 'n all. I just... I want to show him I'm not a waste. That I'm grateful.”

Sophie had slipped behind her, her hands were stilling Maddie's frantic ones; making her set the dish and towel down before wrapping her arms securely around her waist. Maddie was filled with her warmth and a wave of acceptance ran up her spine. Sophie rested her chin on her shoulder.

“He's not going to kick you out, he knows you're not a bad person and he actually likes you, I swear.” Sophie gave her a squeeze. “And, Maddie, you deserve everything and you're certainly not a waste. You might not see it, but you're a kind, caring, smart, and passionate person. You've not had the best life and you're not to be blamed for it.”

Maddie relaxed more and more into Sophie's embrace, her words soothing her even if she still struggled to wholly accept them. But Sophie stayed there, holding her, for a long while. Then she pressed a kiss to her neck.

“And you're not a guest, by the way. This is your home too.”

.o.o.o.

“You've been going in early and staying late at the factory lately,” Sophie commented one night when the two sat on the couch. 

Maddie laughed, eyes suddenly glued to the program playing in front of them. “Yeah well, model employee.” 

Sophie's silence told Maddie that she was thinking, thinking too much and soon she'd spilling her guts. She decided to cut to the chase. 

Sighing, she turned more fully to Sophie who was just watching her with that look that, yep, she was on the verge of saying something. “Look, Carla's giving everyone a bonus for Christmas and I don't know if I'll get one. Something about working for a year, I don't know, but I figured I'd just try to work a little harder.”

“You're already a good worker, Carla wouldn't have hired you if she didn't think so. And if you don't get the bonus, so what? You're getting plenty of money and who knows, maybe next year you'll get one.” Sophie shrugged and Maddie looked away for a moment, judging whether or not to continue.

“Yeah...” Shoulders dropping she gave in and eyes were back on Sophie. “Okay so maybe I want to make sure I still have the job next year, like the bonuses are some sort of sign of worth? Which I know is kinda stupid but I still think it'd be nice. And maybe I was wanting to get you something nice for Christmas... Like proper nice.”

Sophie's face melted into a grin, her hand taking Maddie's. “It's not stupid, but you have nothing to worry about. From what I've heard, you're actually making things run smoother there. And if my mum's dismissive comments mean anything, it's that you're doing real well.” She pulls her a little closer. “Aaand, you don't need to get me anything, just you being around will be great.”

Maddie couldn't help but smile at Sophie but a nagging thought snagged her back and she looked down at their hands. 

“What is it?” Sophie's voice had softened.

“I don't want to just be taking anymore and I don't want people thinking that. I want to buy my own things and, more so, I want to get you things. Treat you and be able to get you nice things.” She looked back up. “I just want to be like self-sufficient and not be the homeless girl anymore. I know a lot of people still see me like that and are waiting for me to nick something or run off or somethin'.”

Sophie gave her hand a squeeze but said nothing, she didn't need words though - What could Sophie say? - she just needed that hand in hers.

“I want to take care of you, now.”

 

.o.o.o.

“You almost married her.”

“Hmm?” Sophie's voice was warm with sleep and gruff in the dark room.

“That girl,” she didn't like to say the name, though she knew it. “You almost married her.”

There was a silence and then Sophie was turning over to face her, resting her head next to Maddie's and she could feel eyes tracing her faint features in the dark. She didn't turn to look at her, not yet. She'd wanted to ask for awhile now. They'd talked about bits of their pasts and Sophie shared about her exes and she knew all she cared to about them... except the marriage part. 

“Almost.”

Maddie turned and their eyes locked. A thundering ache spread through her at the thought of 'What if?' What if it hadn't been almost, what if had just been? She wouldn't be where she is now and definitely not in a warm bed with this beautiful, caring girl pressed against her side. She wouldn't have had the chance to run from the things she feared having because she never would have had a shot in the first place. She would have been miserable and unloved and Sophie would probably be happily married to her best friend.

A soft hand slipped over her waist, thumb stroking circles into her skin.

“Mads, whatever's going on in that head of yours, I want you to know that I'm happy that wedding was a disaster. Although I'm not proud of my actions then, I can't help but be glad that things turned out the way they did. 'Cause it means that I met you. That I fell in love with you. That you're here, now.” Sophie's eyes were firm and sincere and... fearful? Did she fear the same 'what if's?

Maddie felt choked up and drew in a shaky breath, nodding slightly. Sophie's gaze shifted back and forth, as if searching and searching before she reached up and tucked Maddie's hair back. Hand resting against her jaw, Sophie urged further, “You need to know I love you, Maddie.”

A sob nearly wretched itself from her throat but Maddie was able to swallow it down. Trying to find the breath and words – 'Just say it back!' - her mouth opened and closed before Sophie seemed to notice the struggle and pressed forward, swallowing her pain in a kiss and letting Maddie speak with action. And she did, though an innocent and slow kiss, she let her love and relief and gratitude surge through her lips.

When the kiss slowed to a whisper of lips and nose brushes, Sophie's arm circled back around her waist and pulled her back into her. With Sophie at her back and wrapped around her, Maddie felt the ache dissolve and a quiet elation lull her to sleep.

.o.o.o.

Maddie slipped into the Corner Shop to surprise Sophie with lunch, but her smile faded when she saw a fit girl leaning on the counter, attention too completely on the girl tending the register. She slowed and watched as the two chatted, Sophie with her grin and friendly nature and the stranger with her flirty gestures. Maddie gulped and tried to calm the churning in her gut.

Eyes were on her then and she gave a weak smile in response to the bright one Sophie now had.

“Hey, what you doing here?” It was happy, not accusing, Maddie had to tell herself as she started forward again.

“Thought I'd bring you a kebab since I'm off,” Maddie shrugged, lifting the food container and handing it over the counter, eyes flickering over to the girl. She was tall and pretty and looked to be incredibly confident. And she was sizing Maddie up.

“Aww, thanks babe!” Sophie leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek and taking the food, brought her back and she smiled more fully this time. 

But the stranger's eyes turned challenging. “Oh, so is this your mate?” 

The churning in her gut sparked a fire and she was opening her mouth to set the girl right, when Sophie laughed. Her head snapped back to her amused girlfriend.

“Best mate, roommate, soul mate,” Sophie crooned playfully, gaze back on Maddie and Maddie just froze as the fire simmered into a warmth that drew out her own laugh. Then Sophie reached over and pulled Maddie into a quick kiss.

It was frustrating to no end how Sophie could be so oblivious to others' advances, but Maddie decided that maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe Sophie just didn't care to notice.

Maybe Maddie was enough.


End file.
